A Brief Exercise in Clarity
Written by Shanita Lyn.
Clarity. It’s one of my favourite words in the English language — clear, resonant, undeniable. It’s also a precious rare commodity in our time. Every person, screen, speaker and surface you encounter is out promoting some product, cause or issue you really should be caring about. You’ve got people bulldozing their way into an unknown future and seducing as many of us as they can into following them, with shiny promises and the lure of adventure. You’ve also got people insisting that the values of the past are the way to go, trying to comfort you into believing that times could be just as simple once more if we only returned to the old ways. Your parents expect you to be one way, your peers expect another, your boss yet another, random keyboard warriors on social media another.
In all that noise, it’s almost a relief to see a YouTube title or TikTok caption in all caps, proclaiming they have THE ONLY ADVICE YOU’LL EVER NEED or telling you that YOU’VE BEEN DOING THIS WRONG but never fear, they have the solution for you! Cue a clip of someone you’ve never heard of laying out the “facts” into a podcast mic, as the person across from them “mmm”s in agreement; or a teenager hollering into their front-facing camera (if it’s TikTok) or ring light-backed DSLR (if it’s YouTube). I’m not saying the advice they’re giving isn’t sound — but when everyone is positioning themselves as an expert, and most of them have conflicting messages, who the fuck are we supposed to listen to?
Of course, there’s only one real answer to that question — yourself. And I know it’s a lot easier said than done. I feel this is especially true for those of us who are just trying to be good, decent human beings — we want so badly to get things right, to do right by others, to find comfort and confidence in the knowledge (or at least the belief) that we’re on the right path. But true clarity requires detachment. For the remainder of this essay, at least, I ask that you set aside all the ideas you have about your identity or the sort of person you are. Good or bad, valuable or worthless, talented or hopeless, brilliant or stupid, young or old, extraordinary or average, beautiful or ugly, loved or loathed — none of that matters here. Right now, it’s just you, with no point of reference or comparison.
Now, as you dwell in this vacuum for a bit, let me ask you some questions.
What do you care about?
Like, actually care about. Remember, no one has to know the answer, and you’re not trying to prove how good or bad of a person you are. What do you care about?
What do you really want?
It could be the new iPhone, it could be world peace, it could be a hot shower, it could be all those things and more. What do you want?
What do you really need?
Maybe it’s a solid dinner, maybe it’s a hug from your mother, maybe it’s a holiday in a far-flung location. What do you need?
What do you feel you need to do?
Perhaps you need to reach out to a friend, start that business, take those first steps in a new direction that you’ve been too afraid to take. What do you feel you need to do?
What makes you feel alive?
It could be a person, a place, an activity, a piece of art, anything at all. What makes you feel alive?
On the other side of the coin, what makes you feel drained and depleted?
Where are you bullshitting yourself?
Take a look at the way you’re currently living; the decisions you’re making and reinforcing through your actions and habits; your answers to the previous questions. Where are you bullshitting yourself?
In this space with no identity, is there anything tugging at your sleeve, calling for your attention, that you may not have noticed before? A whisper that may have been drowned out in all the noise? Withhold judgement about it for a moment, and just listen.
What is it telling you?
How did that go? Did you discover anything unexpected? Anything amusing; unnerving; eye-opening? Do you have a clearer picture of yourself now than you did a few minutes ago?
This is just the beginning of your journey towards clarity. There is so much more to explore beyond the scope of these few questions, and so many ways to do it — but we’ll get into that some other time. For now, take those insights you’ve gained, however grand or insignificant they might seem, and write them down so you don’t forget them. Try to do so in a way that makes you remember how you felt when you first became aware of them — did they surprise or unsettle you, fill you with peace, get you fired up, strengthen your resolve or something else entirely?
As we step into the new year, take some time to ponder your answers, but don’t latch onto them. Hold them lightly, test them out, play around with them — but don’t be too quick to make them part of your identity. I ask you to continue to withhold judgement and keep your findings to yourself for a little while, so you can get a feel for them without the pressure of commitment or the influence of external opinions. In future articles, we’ll take a more pragmatic look at the insights you’ve gained, and begin to think about how to act on them. Because getting to know yourself is one thing — living it is another phase of the journey entirely.
Until then, take care, and Happy New Year!
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