BRAZEN RECOMMENDS: The Central Paradox of Love

Illustration from An ABZ of Love, Kurt Vonnegut’s favorite vintage Danish guide to sexuality, via Brain Pickings.

The Central Paradox of Love: Esther Perel on Reconciling the Closeness Needed for Intimacy with the Psychological Distance That Fuels Desire

It is a narrative we've all encountered through movies and books, second- and perhaps firsthand experience: in the enchanting beginnings of romance, there is no end to desire. Everything is about becoming closer to the other, learning more about the other, spending greater parts of life with each other. And over the course of time, a new feeling introduces itself into the equation too: love. It is a feeling best supplied by closeness, familiarity, and trust. But however beautiful and fulfilling these things might be, they are also often followed by a much-dreaded dimming of desire. Why? What is it about growing intimacy that diminishes the wanting between two people? In this intriguing article from Brain Pickings, Esther Perel's book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence is explored for the answer to that question. The Central Paradox of Love highlights the concept that love and desire are sort of antiparallel entities, both of great importance to maintain but requiring totally opposite fuels to feed them. No matter what your relationship or marital status may be, this read is worth ten minutes of your time today. Check it out through the link above!