EXPERIMENT: Changing the Story
What are the stories you tell yourself?
There’s this neat little mind trick I use whenever I find myself in a situation I don’t like. For anyone who knows me personally and has ever wondered how I stay calm under pressure, stay cheerful in grim circumstances, or make things that are commonly thought of as difficult look easy, you’re about to find out my secret. Here it is:
I tell myself a story.
Um. What?
Believe it or not, it really is as simple as that. If you think about it, our experience of life is largely influenced by the language and terminology we use to describe it. This explains why two people can have a completely different experience of the exact same situation. It explains why certain things invoke fear, joy, laughter, calm, ease, resistance, love, hatred within us, and others don’t. We are all, to a larger extent than you may think, simply a collection of stories — the stories we tell ourselves, create for ourselves, hear from others and choose to believe, are indifferent to and are averse to.
For many of us, this happens unconsciously. From the moment we’re born, we’re exposed to the stories our parents, family and environment carry. We spend much of our early life absorbing information like a sponge. At this point, we begin to form our identities and deep-rooted beliefs based on the narratives we’re exposed to. This is when stories like, “You need to do well in school in order to get a good job,” “Money doesn’t come easy,” “Nobody will like you if you behave like that,” “You’re so smart/talented/gifted,” “You’d look so pretty if you…” etc. take firm hold within your psyche and stay there for years to come. And unless we identify and question these firmly held beliefs and stories as adults, they’re likely to stay there for as long as we live.
There are also subtler, more insidious stories that make their way into our mindspace. These are the stories that are not said out loud, but which we pick up on anyway — maybe it’s in the superior tone your uncle uses when speaking to the waiter; or the way ladies discreetly clutch their bags closer to their bodies when a darker-skinned man walks by; or how a group of people can praise someone to high heaven to their face and then talk shit about them behind their back. We pick up on patterns and non-verbal cues, and these stories become a part of us as much as the spoken ones do.
So, let’s try and experiment with that, shall we?
STEP ONE: WHAT’S YOUR STORY?
It’s essential to question the stories we grew up with and have become used to if we want to grow. We need to constantly reassess which stories serve our highest good, and which ones are holding us back. As well-intentioned as our families and friends may be, it’s very likely that the stories they’ve modelled for us may not be what we actually need to live a happy, successful life.
Think about the stories that shape your perception of the world. Here are some common ones:
Men don’t wear skirts/makeup/nail polish.
Boys don’t cry.
Hair anywhere on a woman’s body other than her head is unattractive and should be removed.
Getting good grades is the only way to get a good job.
You have to work hard for money.
Money determines how successful you are.
Work hard now, so you can relax later.
Stress is normal. You just have to learn how to manage it.
If someone in a position of authority says it, it must be true.
They wouldn’t do something like that just for money/power/clout!
Death is an ending and a miserable affair.
STEP TWO: WHAT IF IT WERE DIFFERENT?
Now that you’ve identified some of the stories you believe in, it’s time to shake things up. Ask yourself what this story could look like if it were different. Remix it, turn it upside down, rewrite it altogether. Take ownership of the stories that make up who you are. Notice how different it feels when you tell yourself:
Men can totally rock skirts/makeup/nail polish, and whatever the hell they want.
It’s good and healthy for boys to cry when they need to.
Women are beautiful no matter where they decide to let their hair grow or not.
You can get good jobs that pay well and satisfy you fully by devoting yourself to your passions and interests. With the exception of a few jobs that require specific qualifications, a strong portfolio and desire to learn will get you more opportunities than a string of A’s on a sheet of paper.
You can earn money with ease, doing what you love.
Happiness, fulfillment and personal satisfaction determine how successful you are.
Enjoy your life now, and in the future as well.
Stress is the product of a lifestyle that takes more out of you than it gives. Reprioritise accordingly.
Authority does not equal wisdom. If something doesn’t strike me as true or sensible, I have the right to question it and demand answers.
People are willing to go to great lengths to have the upper hand in any situation. The higher the stakes, the further people are willing to go.
Death is simply part of a cycle. We are born of the earth, we live upon it, we return to it when we die, and make way for others to take our place and carry on the story.
Hopefully this shows you how simple it is to reframe your idea of what life is or should be, and how much power you have to create your life exactly the way you want it. I’ve experimented with changing my own stories around all kinds of things. I’ve changed my story around my relationship with food, so I view it as a blessing and a source of nourishment rather than something that will make me fat. I’ve changed my story around my work and workload, so I see it as a challenge and a blessing rather than something to get stressed about. I know people personally who have changed their story around their own health to reverse chronic illnesses like diabetes. All it really takes to change your story is identifying what it is right now, identifying what you want it to be, and making changes accordingly.
It may be difficult at first, to wrench your mind out of old patterns of thinking and get it to listen to a different story. But it’s like exercising and stretching a muscle — over time, you will find that you become more adaptable to change. It gives you a certain freedom and flexibility in the way that you experience whatever life throws at you. You’ll find it easier to shift your mindset away from narratives that don’t serve you, and believe in the ones that do. When that happens, the possibilities of life become, quite literally, infinite. It all depends on what stories you choose to tell yourself.
If you try this experiment, let us know how it goes! Share how you’re changing your story on Instagram with the hashtag #brazenexperiments and tag us @brazen.mag so we can see you and hear your story. We can’t wait to connect with you.
